You Give ’em 40, They’ll Go 45!!!


Most people who know me, or anybody else in a wheelchair, knows that when we start rolling, there’s usually no stopping us, and it shames me to say it, but I’ve had a few run ins with the guys in blue in my day, and I wasn’t even in my van!!!

I still remember two instances like they were yesterday. I think they happened the same day, right before Christmas a few years ago, when my whole family went Christmas shopping. We were in K-Mart, and mom went one way, and dad, my sisters and I went the other.

After about fifteen minutes, we found mom a Christmas present, and we split up to keep her from seeing it. I remember very vividly rolling across the front of the store, and I can guarantee I wasn’t going that fast… ask Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show, I was taking the extra five miles an hour they give you!!! And everybody knows what’ll happen: You give ’em 30, they’ll go 35. You give ’em 35, they’ll go 40. You give ’em 40, they’ll go 45.

Turns out I was going a LITTLE bit too fast for comfort because out of nowhere from behind me I hear, “You better tell that boy to slow that thing down!!” I whip around on a dime (or was it a $20 bill, I can’t remember :)), and my dad is standing there with two sheriffs deputies talking and staring a hole right through me. Boy, I wish I had a $20 get out of trouble card right then…

Later that day, we were headed to the Dollar Tree, which was in the same parking lot as K-Mart. Now if you’re standing in the middle of the parking lot, it doesn’t look like it’s THAT downhill from K-Mart to the 100 cent shrub, but try telling that to two guys coming out of a store when my tires are on fire!!

As we’re walking to the Dollar Tree, I started to pick up momentum, kind of like Herschel Walker was when he bowled over those orange shirts in 1980 during the Tennessee game. By the time I am about halfway down the sidewalk, I bet I’m running 20-25 miles per hour (seems that way anyway), and all of a sudden I see a guy get his arm jerked out of socket and hear his buddy yell, “Whoa, man, you were almost a greasy spot!! Watch it!!” I get to the Dollar Tree and wait for my family to catch up, and when I get there I bet the look on my face (and that guy’s who almost got run over) was… PRICELESS!!!

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