Five Ways to Stop Discouragement From Getting the Best of You
By Leslie Vernick
Discouragement and disappointment are normal emotions we all experience, even as Christians.
Peter felt discouraged with himself when he realized that he wasn’t as courageous as he thought he was, even though Jesus had warned him that He would deny him before the rooster crowed (Matthew 26:31 and 74, 75). We too can feel discouraged and even depressed when we fail to live up to our own or other’s expectations.
Job felt discouraged and frustrated with his friends. They didn’t get it. Trying to be helpful, they only heaped more shame and blame on Job for his afflictions. We also can feel let down by our friends and family. They don’t understand what we’re going through or don’t offer to help as we wish they would. (Read through the Biblical book of Job for the story).
We can get discouraged with life’s circumstances. Things don’t turn out the way we’d hoped despite our persistent prayers. Elijah hoped that after all the miracles the Israelites saw performed on Mount Carmel, they would finally repent and put God first but they did not. King Ahab and Jezebel were as stubborn and hard-hearted as always, and Elijah felt discouraged, exhausted and believed his entire ministry was a waste (1 Kings 19).
Jeremiah felt angry and discouraged with God when he believed God was against him and temporarily lost hope in God (Lamentations 3). The disciples too felt discouraged after Jesus was crucified, before He rose from the dead. They said, “We were hoping that He was the one who was going to redeem Israel.” (Luke 24:21) They couldn’t see the bigger picture and felt that their life’s work was a waste.
Discouragement happens, even to the strongest and best of people. Here are five things you can do when you start to feel the black cloud of discouragement swallow you up.
It does you no good to pretend you don’t feel what you feel. You can’t take action against a negative feeling until you first admit you have it. A strong Christian is not someone who never experiences negative feelings. It’s someone who has learned what to do with them when he or she has them and how to process them Biblically.
Take care of your body
If your body isn’t working, your mind, emotions and will are also weakened. I love how God tended to Elijah’s body first, before addressing anything else, and provided ravens to feed him. Sometimes the circumstances of life drain us dry, and we need to press pause, stop doing, and simply rest and refresh.
Pay attention to your thought life
Maturing as believers means we learn to think truthfully (Philippians 4:8) and to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
All of us attempt to make sense of the things that happen in our lives. We try to figure out why they happen and what it all means. It’s crucial that we pay attention to what stories we are telling ourselves about ourselves, about others, about God, or a particular situation and whether or not those stories are actually true. For example, if you look at what Elijah was telling himself after he became discouraged, much of it was not true, yet because he thought it, it added to his misery (read 1 Kings 19).
Jeremiah too was telling himself things about God that were not true but because his mind believed his version of reality instead of God’s, he lost his hope. Read through Lamentations 3. Notice in verse 21 Jeremiah begins to have a change of mind and heart. He says, “This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope.” When his thoughts changed, his negative emotions also lifted even though his circumstances stayed the same.
Train yourself to “see” life out of two lenses at the same time
When the apostle Paul counsels us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind, (Romans 12:2), he is telling us that our mind needs to be trained to think differently than we have in the past. Part of this training is to learn to see both the temporal (life is hard) and the eternal (God has a purpose here) at the same time.
Paul speaks honestly of his temporal pain when he says he is hard-pressed on every side, perplexed, persecuted and struck down. Yet, he did not become crushed, despairing, abandoned or destroyed. Why not? Because he learned to firmly fix the eternal perspective on his spiritual eyes. He says, “Therefore we do not lose heart. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-18).
Paul never minimized the pain of the temporal, yet discouragement didn’t win because he knew that God’s purposes were at work. (See Philippians 1:12-14 for another example).
Press close into God
The truth is, life is hard, people do disappoint and hurt us, and we don’t always understand God or His ways. The prophet Naham talks about a day of trouble and reminds us “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who trust in Him.” (Naham 1:7) If we’re not in close trusting relationship with God, life’s troubles can become unbearable. The psalmist cried out, “I would have despaired unless I had believed I would see God in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27).
One final tip
The best way to chase out a negative feeling is with another feeling. The Bible teaches us “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Gratitude is a powerful anecdote for discouragement. But how do we give thanks in all things? In awful things? In sinful things? That will be the subject of my next newsletter on November 22. So keep watch!
About Leslie Vernick
Leslie Vernick is a national speaker, licensed counselor, coach and author with more than 25 years of experience on personal and spiritual growth, marriage improvement, conflict resolution, depression, child abuse, and domestic violence, and has helped countless individuals, couples and families enrich the relationships that matter most!
Leslie has written six books and is a contributor to numerous others. Make sure you check out her weekly blog, where she answers relationship questions.
Leslie lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, Howard, and their dog Gracie. They have two grown children.