I was first introduced to Simon “Sye” Palmer by Shauna Smith and Sonya Palasiuk, co-owners of leanonus.co a couple weeks ago. I’ve read some of his story on their blog and was honored when Shauna and Sonya told me to contact him about sharing his story on my blog. He’s written a couple books about his story, and it’s my pleasure to present to you Simon :Sye” Palmer.
A typical week saw me skip school and either spend the time glue sniffing, stealing from the local shops or causing criminal damage. Anything that involved letting off aggression or subconsciously harming myself or others around me. My evenings were always spent at the house of my abusers. I was too scared not to go there.
I looked at things completely different because of the sexual abuse I had to experience. I went from being a normal boy to a monster. I discovered the Sex Pistols and found it very easy to hide behind the image. Instead of doing all the normal things a child did, I found myself living in a dark grown-up world. Even in my dreams (nightmares), the abuse continued. My eyes saw darkness everywhere.
I was first subjected to gay pornography when I was 10 years old. When I was 13 years old, I started to become entangled within heterosexual abuse, which mainly consisted of a three-way situation, although the man was always the one at the forefront of the situation.
I spent many, many years being an angry man, and unfortunately, those closest to me bore the brunt of my actions. However, I do think that I have finally found my place in the world and am a better person because of this.
Being abused made me feel physically sick. My skin felt like it was crawling with a rancid disease, and the only way I could try to make the feeling go away was to try to cut it from my body. I used razor blades, broken bottles, anything with a sharp edge. I hated myself every time I saw my reflection in the mirror.
If you’re being sexually abused, tell the world and do not, as I did, let them get away with it. It is so easy to fall into the trap of feeling as though you are the one responsible for THEIR actions.
The photo where I am standing with my arms wrapped around the cross was for possible book covers, and the one in the studio was from when I was interviewed about the book on BBC radio.
I have been “Johnny Rotten” in a few Sex Pistols’ tribute bands, but sadly, haven’t been involved with any studio work. I adore music almost as much as I do writing. My personal play list ranges from the Pistols through to Pink Floyd and the Beatles. I am a great lover of the Prodigy and Bob Marley.