They Just Don’t Know


Editor’s Note: One of the underlying things I wanted to do with this blog was offer a place for people to come and just share what was on their mind at the time. As you’ve clearly seen, I’ve had the pleasure of having some amazing guests with some incredible stories on the blog, since I started it more than two years ago. I hope you’ll welcome Noel, who’s been on the blog before, and give her a warm welcome.

People complain about my actions as of late, but they don’t know what I’ve gone through.

I thought I was head over heels in love with my husband. I was so wrong. I thought he was great for me and the kids but again I was wrong. In January 2012 I found out he had been cheating on me for at least three years. Can you imagine my heartache? The bad part is it was with my best friend. Or, well, someone I thought was my best friend. This woman is married to his twin brother. I was distraught, I was upset. I took my anger and my hurt to Facebook, mostly seeking someone to talk to. I was looking for someone to know what I was feeling. That’s when another man sent me a message. That’s when my world changed.

I grew closer with this other man. I had already moved out of the bedroom I shared with my husband and was sleeping on the couch. My husband started staying gone with work and with his brother’s wife as well as being gone to his mom’s house all the time. The kids and I never saw him.

On February 19, I decided I wanted a divorce. I couldn’t take being alone anymore. I couldn’t take him cheating on me right under my nose. I had never cheated on him. My male friend and I were just that, friends, until I told him I was going to divorce my husband. So we made plans to meet up. Nothing came from it, we just sat and talked because I needed a friend. This guy had lived down the street from me for years, and I didn’t know it. We went to school together. He’s a great guy.

So February 21, which is also his birthday, this friend and I met up. I picked him up in my van that I had just bought, and we went and sat in the dark, since it was just after midnight on the 21st. I kissed him first, he didn’t kiss me. If it looks like cheating, it’s my fault. We weren’t alone together long that night. After I went home we still stayed in contact.

NoelMy husband didn’t even know I was gone that night since he was sound asleep. I had been telling my husband for days I wanted a divorce. I guess he didn’t believe me, and on what would have been our six-year wedding anniversary, I went and got the divorce papers. It took him forever to even want to fill them out. But in this time I had gotten a job. I was proud of myself, even though it was only at McDonald’s. I was still seeing the guy from Facebook, too.

My husband and I had come to an agreement. We were going to try and still live together since we were buying a duplex together. He would have his own little section of the house and I would have mine. We were both hoping it would help with the kids, that it would be an easy adjustment for them. But this way we would both be there for the kids, and the other could watch them while one was at work or started dating and we could still split the bills. We both thought it would be cheaper for us.

I worked days, and he worked nights. I’d take off on the weekends with the kids while he was at work and do things with them. They met the guy from Facebook and instantly liked him. He treated the kids just as their father should have been treating them, showing them the attention they wanted. That’s when my soon-to-be ex-husband found out I had started dating. He hated it and still does. My boyfriend and I started getting closer, and there were some nights I never came back to the house. I was trying to give my ex a taste of his own medicine. It didn’t work, and just caused us to fight and him to bad mouth me and my boyfriend in front of the kids. He was trying to get them to hate us both.

Then the day of the divorce in July came and went, and I was free to do as I pleased. I got full custody of the kids and since he moved out he would get to see them weekends, when he decides to get them. We tried to stay in the same house together as friends until one night I was gone all night. When I came home he was looking for a fight. It was a good one, too, because I kicked him out. Told him to never step foot in my house again.

All I could think was now what was I going to do? I had a house payment, all these bills, a van payment and no one to watch the kids so I could get back and forth to work. I had to quit my job until I could get a sitter for them. August rolled around and here comes my landlord wanting his money for June, July and August. I looked at him and told him the ex should have paid those other months since I had given him my half of the payment for those months. Turns out he didn’t pay him. He hadn’t paid any of the bills. The money I was giving him and the money he was making at work went on his truck, which was junk to begin with. Here I was looking at the landlord trying to rack my brain to figure out what to do. That’s when the landlord told me it looks like me and my kids would be sleeping in our van. I had thirty days to get six years worth of stuff out of the house and find someplace else to live. The power was supposed to be cut off any day and so was the water. I was scared, so very scared I would lose my kids.

My mom pulled strings at the light company to keep the power on until I could get out. The kids and I stayed in the house a week then moved in with my parents. We didn’t bring anything with us except clothes. My boyfriend was moving into his new house and was trying to get it ready. I didn’t know what he wanted to get it ready for until he told me he couldn’t see me and the kids being homeless. Close to the end of August we moved in with him in a very small house that still needs work. I took what I could from the old house, which wasn’t much since the landlord and some drug addicts he paid to help him had already been in the house and destroyed everything. Bookcases were empty; my Xbox stolen. Things that were in my dresser drawers were all over the place.

So we moved into the house with my boyfriend with pretty much a fresh start. We don’t have anything, and he didn’t have anything either. You would think things would get better now, but they didn’t until October when the van was repossessed. It turns out the payments I made on my own for August and September only caught up June and July. Again I asked my ex to make the payments for me while I was at work. He even used the van to go make the payments. I handed him all the money, but it was never paid. I have no clue what he did with the money.

Noel kidsSo now here I was with a new house, no job and no vehicle. But if I had my van I could have gone back to work with McDonald’s. It’s not much but at least it is a start. After October things started to get better. I’m still emotional and very clingy to my boyfriend. I guess I’m scared the same things will happen with him. Even though he is so much different than my ex.

People are always telling me they see a great change in me. I can see the change, too. I’m happy and smiling all the time. I’ve changed. I care how I look when I go out of the house, and I always have a smile. I hold my head up daily because if it wasn’t for my boyfriend I would still be homeless. I would be scared that someone was going to walk through my parents’ door and take my kids. My boyfriend has changed me and the kids. They are happy, too. They know they are loved, and I’m hopelessly in love with my boyfriend. I’ve lost friends recently because of how mushy I get with him on Facebook. That’s their loss not mine. I’m happy and have started my own business out of the house. I’m a tattoo artist and have been tattooing for five years. It’s slow starting off, but I have a great time doing it.

2012 was an up-and-down battle that most people didn’t see. I kept away from Twitter, and no one on Facebook knew much. All they knew was I was divorcing and then got a boyfriend and moved. But they didn’t know the little details until now. I see great things for 2013.

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