By Laura Hinze
After sitting in the airport for two hours my husband, Barry, wandered off to find lunch.
Our delayed flight had been pushed back again and again for two hours. I stayed behind at the boarding gate, waiting more any additional information. Our plane finally came to our gate shortly after Barry went to get lunch.
I was unworried; there was still plenty of waiting to do. The plane was being cleaned and fueling up for our flight home. After thirty minutes had passed there was still no sign of Barry. The loud speaker requested any one with children or special needs to begin boarding the plane.
I looked at my watch.
Barry was still missing. I shifted in my seat. He would be coming back, right?
Lines of regular passages started to form in front of our boarding gate. What was wrong? Where was Barry?
Loaded down with bags, I got up to find my husband.
I found Barry in line at a pizza place. My husband had put in a custom made request and needed extra time.
I explained to my husband that our flight was finally boarding and we needed to leave right away. The flight attendant made the final boarding call for our flight number over the loud speaker. Barry wasn’t moving. His lunch was paid for and Barry was going to eat it. I pleaded with my husband to get on our departed plane. I wanted to return home. He told me that his custom order pizza would be right out and we could leave then.
I turned and ran. My bag bumped my shoulder as I jogged for our boarding gate. Almost to the boarding gate I stopped running. Winded, I considered my actions.
What was I doing this for? I didn’t have to work the next day. I was leaving my husband in an airport.
Barry and I had been man and wife for 9 months. Was I really committed to this marriage? Barry and all of his personality flaws were made obvious before we got married. I knew who Barry was. I could make a detailed list his faults. Like many other women, I thought I could “fix” his problems after we were married.
Barry was my husband now. My husband. The gravity of that word sank in. Where were my priorities? Was my life still just all about me? Where did my marriage fit into my priorities? In the conventional sense I was absolutely correct about getting on the plane but my conscience didn’t feel right. For whatever his real reasons, I couldn’t just hop on a plane while my husband was left behind.
At the root of the issue this was about marriage when the going gets rough. Barry could catalog my bad habits just as well I could list his problems. So, the question was how did I want to be treated when I was in Barry’s shoes? So, it came down to the promises I had made to Barry when we got married. I had given my word to stand by my husband, and it was that simple.
I found Barry sitting at a plastic orange table eating his lunch when our flight took off. Looking back at your life you can see decisions that seem to be lynchpins for future events. Missing that plane was one of my lynchpins. Since then there has been a mix of sunny and stormy days in our marriage. We stayed together and that alone is more than most people can count on. All good marriages need effort from both parties to keep them going.
Even when you are getting married divorce seems like the easy “just in case” situation. When the going gets tough it is going to go through your mind, let’s face it. No one is perfect and there are going to be difficult days. After 10 years of marriage I also know what the possibility of divorce feels like too. Barry and I were having problems.
To deal with the problems I turned a blind eye to the issues. I kept hoping that ignoring the problems might make them go away. In the end it was Barry, through his divorce news, that brought me back to total reality.
I could hardly believe him. Panic set in almost immediately. I had to salvage my marriage. There was no time to waste; my marriage was slipping away. I started working my myself, my own perceptions and my reactions. Barry noticed my changes and softened in his approach. One thing lead to another and our marriage is stronger than ever.