This morning while I was getting ready for work, I noticed a bird feather laying on my desk by my laptop. This is just one of several I’ve picked up the past few months, either while I was getting out of my van or getting back in after running in a store or getting off work. As I sat there looking at the feather, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a sign from up above that someone is watching out for me.
As most of you may know, if you’ve been a loyal reader the past year, my grandmother passed away in 2005 after a courageous fight with leukemia. When she was alive, she was one of my biggest supporters, always asking me when I would get an operation so I could walk and always making sure I finished my homework before I played at their house.
A part of me doesn’t miss her constant nagging about getting the operation, but my heart breaks every time I think about her, wishing she was still here to see how much I’ve accomplished. I still remember walking across my old high school gym to see her before I graduated high school and sitting right beside her at my sister, Amanda’s, graduation.
I really wish she’d been here to see me receive my college degree and be hired as the city of Marietta’s public information technician. She would have been so proud. At least I hope she would have been.
I can feel her right now, watching over me. Thank you grandma for everything you did for me and continue to do every day. I just wish I could have told you goodbye one more time and how much I love and respect you. You were one of my role models and heroes, for all the hell you went through. Dad and I talked about that the other day, about how we don’t think the leukemia killed you. That it was the damn doctors who couldn’t get their act together and kept you so damn drugged that you couldn’t heal from one thing without another medicine making you puke. Damn it I wish you were still here, grandma. I miss you so much!!!